Friendship: Is It a Bond or a Battlefield? How I Manipulated My Toxic Friend into Becoming a Normal One

Have you ever had that one friend who seems to be your biggest cheerleader—until you're actually winning? She's the one who adores you when you're both battling through life's challenges, but the moment you start soaring, her pom-poms are suddenly nowhere to be found. Instead, she's there with a safety pin, ready to pop your balloon, but with a smile that says, "I'm doing this for your own good

We all have that friend. The one who wants you to shine, but only if her spotlight is slightly brighter. I'll confess, in my circle of gal pals, I've got a few who fit this bill. They're the ones who make you laugh till your sides hurt, but also seem to take an almost eerie delight when your dress zipper malfunctions at a cocktail party.

Take, for instance, the time I went to a Sofia Coppola book signing. I was ecstatic, giddy even, at the thought of meeting the queen of dreamy aesthetics. I had a mental image of the whole affair: I'd meet Sofia, we'd share a laugh over our shared love of lace and melancholy, and I'd leave with a signed copy of her latest book tucked under my arm, glowing with inspiration.

But then I invited her—let's call her Fiona, partly because it's a lovely name, and partly because, well, Shrek. As soon as we arrived, it became clear that things were not going to go according to plan. The line was longer than a *Marie Antoinette* wig, and by the time we reached the front, there was only one copy of the book left.

Naturally, I grabbed it. After all, I was the one who had introduced fiona to Sofia's work in the first place. But when the moment came for Sofia to sign my copy, Fiona's mood soured faster than you can say "Bonjour,."

When it was my turn to meet Sofia, I was a bundle of nerves, but she was as gracious as you'd imagine, telling me I was very pretty and that I reminded her of Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba! My heart fluttered, my smile widened, and I was floating on cloud nine—until Fiona leaned in and muttered, "More like Shrek with lipstick ."

That was the moment my theory solidified: I was friends with a toxic person. Here was someone who could never let me have my moment without trying to bring me down. But instead of letting her ruin my glow, I decided to manipulate the situation. Yes, you heard me right—manipulate. Sometimes, you have to play the game to win, and this was one of those times.

So what did I do? I laughed along with her. "You're totally right," I said, giving her a playful nudge. "Shrek is practically my spirit animal. All I need is a swamp and a Scottish accent." By giving her the validation she craved, I diffused the tension. Her satisfaction at having the upper hand in the joke allowed the evening to end on a lighter note. We left the signing with her in a better mood, and me still basking in the afterglow of my encounter with Sofia Coppola.

The truth is, these friendships are more common than we'd like to admit. There's an unspoken competition that simmers beneath the surface of so many female friendships—a competition that's equal parts supportive and sinister. We lift each other up, but there's also a part of us that can't help but measure our own success against that of our friends. It's a tricky balance, and one that can easily tip into toxicity if we're not careful.

But here's the secret: you don't have to cut these friends out of your life. With a little finesse, you can manipulate the dynamics to your advantage. When your friend tries to tear you down, let her. Agree with her, laugh with her, and then subtly shift the focus back to something positive. This allows her to feel validated without actually letting her drag you down. It's a way to maintain the friendship while protecting your own well-being.

And here's the kicker: by giving her what she wants—acknowledgment, validation, a moment in the spotlight—you actually empower yourself. Because the real victory is not in winning the competition, but in realizing there's no competition at all. Your success is yours, and it's beautiful, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

So, the next time you find yourself dealing with a toxic friend, ask yourself this: How can I turn this situation to my advantage while keeping the peace? Remember, the power in any relationship lies in your ability to navigate it with grace and a touch of cunning.

In the end, friendship is a lot like that Sofia Coppola movie you love—full of beauty, a little sadness, and more complexity than meets the eye. It's up to you to write the happy ending.

And here's the question I'll leave you with: Can you manipulate a toxic friendship without losing the genuine connection that made you friends in the first place? Or is the true power in walking away and finding someone who wants to see you shine, even brighter than they do?